I’m beginning to understand why the church is such a joke to an unbelieving world.  When I say “church” I’m not talking about buildings.  I’m talking about those who believe that Jesus is the way, the truth and the life.  I’m the church and, if you believe in Jesus, you’re the church too.

My adoption agency is a Christian agency that will work with single adoptive parents.  As I researched other agencies, I found that quite a lot of Christian agencies will not allow single Christians to adopt.  My adoption agency told me there were grants available to help with some of the cost of adoption.  Most of these grants are administered through Christian foundations.  So far I’m not eligible for the majority of them because I’m single.  Finally, I expected people to be excited and supportive.  The vast majority are which may be why the few who have been judgmental have shocked me.  Those few are all churchy folks.

This troubles me for at least 2 reasons.  Becoming a parent is exciting, but it is also scary whether you are married or single.  I believe an in-tact mommy and daddy is the best way to raise a child.  However, divorce is common in America and many homes inside the church are not in-tact.  Secondly, there are 153 million children worldwide needing homes and many couples are unable or unwilling to adopt.  If a single Christian woman who makes a good living and can provide a safe, loving and stable home is willing to love and raise an unwanted child, who are we – especially within the church – to stand in the way?  Imagine feeling the normal fears about becoming a parent and then having your fellow Christians and Christian agencies and foundations imply that you’re unfit to parent just because you’re single.

Want to know why I’m still single?

I really didn’t even think about marriage until after I’d completed high school, college, and law school and got my career on its feet.  Only then did I think marriage might be fun.  Only then did I (and other successful and smart female lawyers who I know) realize that being a lawyer would scare a significant amount of men away.  I’m also single because by the time I got around to thinking marriage might be fun, all the great men were already married.  I’m not interested in psychopaths or metrosexuals.  There are some good divorcees out there, but unfortunately most of them had a bad marriage and now never want to be married again.  Since I won’t settle for co-habitation, these relationships are pointless dead ends no matter how wonderful the divorcee is.

I wish the Christian agencies and foundations and those few judgmental Christians would recognize that even though I’m single, I’m a very desirable candidate to adopt a child!  First, my child, unlike too many kids both inside and outside the church, will likely never be subjected to divorce.  Second, unlike some two parent homes, I am extremely fortunate because while she’s little I can work only 30 hours a week Monday through Thursday and make enough to pay my bills, buy the child what she needs and save for her college and my retirement.  Third, I’m not a teacher, but family law slows down during July, August and the holidays, so I can take significant chunks of time off during those times to be with her.  Fourth, the baby’s Nana (my mom) will live with us, so baby will never need daycare and will benefit from a multi-generational home.  Even though I’m single, I’m luckier in some ways than some other single moms and can provide in a few ways that they aren’t fortunate enough to get to do.

Unfortunately many Christian grant foundations will never know all of this because I’m not even allowed to apply for their grants because I never married.

I’m the first one to say that, as Christians, we need to be willing to tell the truth about the Gospel and to confront sin.  For any non-Christians reading this, here’s what sin is…  God is perfect.  We are not.  When we violate His rules there are eternal consequences just like a good parent would give.  Because He’s the perfect parent, he sent Jesus (who followed every rule) to take all the punishment for every rule any of us ever broke.  All He asks now is that we believe Jesus’s punishment was enough and have a relationship with Him.  Sin is the breaking of one of God’s rules.  One of the rules in the Bible is to take care of widows and orphans.  God says that several times.  Adopting a child as a single person is not sin.  In fact, it could be seen as a form of obedience to one of the rules close to God’s heart.

After I began encountering opposition from churchy folk, I tried to imagine what Jesus would say if He was sitting with me and I told Him I was adopting even though I’m not married.  I don’t have a fancy Bible degree and I’m no theologian.  I just love Jesus and have read the Bible.  I believe if He was in front of me and I told Him, His eyes might tear up a bit and He would probably tell me He was proud of me for being His hands and feet in this way.

Church, when we make up sins that aren’t in the Bible and chose to judge that which God would applaud, we make ourselves a joke to an unbelieving world.  Let’s get off our high horses.  Let’s get to know the Bible well.  Let’s stop calling unclean what God would call clean.  Let us clean up our own sins of sloth, gluttony, idolatry (aka addiction and obsession), sexual impurity and whatever else we are hiding.  Let’s love people by serving them.  Let’s love people by telling the truth about sin and the Gospel.  Let’s be authentic about who we are.  And let us not forget to care for widows and orphans.

If you’d like to help with the cost of my adoption, please read about The Puzzle Piece Fundraiser and/or the “It Takes a Village” T-shirt Fundraiser.  T-shirts are only available until 10/25.  Also, you can also go straight to my Go Fund Me Account.