Adoption

I have decided…

~ Bethany ~ 2 Comments

People keep asking how I came up with the Puzzle Piece Fundraiser.  Well, I totally stole the idea from other adoptive parents who used it to raise 1/3rd of the cost of adoption.  There’s nothing original about it.

Last February, I went to a women’s conference at a church in Georgetown.  I went because Christine Caine was speaking and I dig her.  I think God put it on my heart to go because it was there that I met the founders of my adoption agency.  I knew that agency would be the one I used when the time came.  During that conference, my Savior whispered to my heart, “Will you choose to trust me?”  I had stopped trusting him 8 years earlier when I prosecuted the most horrendous child sexual abuse case of my career.  How could I trust a God that would allow that to happen?  Now, 8 years later in Feb 2015, He was asking if I would choose to trust Him again.  I wasn’t yet planning to start the adoption process this year at the time.  I told Him I would do my best.  Turns out, that’s all He asks of any of us.

Fast forward and 6 months later, I began pursuing adoption in earnest.  It surprised even me when this journey became real rather than a silent wish.  I felt it was time.  I felt like even God was telling me it was time.  I felt like He was ready to bless me with a child.  So, I signed up with the agency and started the fundraiser.  My home study is next month.

The last few days I’ve begun to realize that on this road towards adoption and then on the road of parenthood, I’m going to have to let go of my perfectionism, my plans, and my control.  This is in God’s hands alone.  I can do my part, but in the end the failure or success of this journey rests on Him alone.  Part of this journey of trust is letting go of the minimum donation for a puzzle piece.  See, $25 per piece minus the 8% Go Fund Me keeps would equal 1/3rd of the cost of adoption.  I’m a planner and I did that because I’m hoping to win another 1/3rd in grants and pay the last 1/3rd myself.  But I’m letting go…

You may donate any amount you want and become part of our puzzle and our story.  Your encouragement and prayers already make you a part of our story and your name deserves to be on our wall.  If you have an extra $10 laying around and you want to donate it, do it and you will get a puzzle piece.  If next week you have $5 more laying around and you want another piece, you got it!  If you want to donate more than $25 at one time, you will still get more than one piece!  It’ll go like this:  $1-$25 = 1 piece, $26-$50 = 2 pieces, $51-$75 = 3 pieces, and so on…

This way, you don’t feel pressured to give a certain amount.  It won’t adversely impact your budget because any amount receives a place on our wall and in our hearts.  You can give as many times as you want and as little or as much as you want.  I’m just going to trust Jesus to move the right hearts at the right time.  It’s out of my control and it’s in His hands.  Besides, if the fundraiser raises 1/8th of the cost instead of 1/3rd, then we still will have made a major accomplishment together!  What’s most important to me is that anyone who wants to participate, gets to participate and that my baby’s wall is filled with names full of love.

I’ve decided to trust Jesus.

www.gofundme.com/babyforBethany

puzzle

The Amazing World of Breasts!

~ Bethany ~ Leave a comment

It turns out that it is possible to induce lactation so that adoptive mothers can breastfeed.  It’s just as healthy for baby as birth mother’s milk minus the colostrum.  It just takes a couple of hormone pills daily for 6 months or more followed by 6 weeks of using a rental-grade hospital breast pump every two hours before baby arrives.  Then more pumping combined with nursing after baby is here to build up milk supply.  As I’ve researched inducing lactation and how to make breastfeeding a success, I found out some really neat things about breasts.  Frankly, breasts are simply amazing!  Most of you likely know the following since you are already moms, but I’m just gobsmacked!

Most moms know this, but as a mom-to-be I was amazed to learn that breasts know exactly what composition of milk babies need.  Boobs make one formula for preemies.  They make another for full term babies.  They start with a thin thirst quenching mixture and follow it up with a tummy satisfying thick formula.  This may be old news for many, but to me, this is awe-inspiring!

Kangaroo care can almost immediately fix breastfeeding issues.  Kangaroo care is skin-to-skin contact wherein baby’s chest is laid vertically on mom’s chest between the breasts with the head to one side so baby can breathe.  Amazingly, within minutes of this type of contact, breasts detect baby’s temperature immediately and will either cool off or warm up depending on what baby needs.  How magnificent!  Even more stunning, the two boobs can operate independently of one another!  If a mom has twins, one breast can warm up while the other cools off to meet each individual baby’s needs.  Wow!

I also totally love that at nighttime, breasts make milk laced with extra tryptophan which is the substance in turkey that makes us need Thanksgiving Day naps.  That will likely be my favorite feature.

So it turns out that breasts do a lot more than simply make our stomachs look smaller and hold up our dresses!  I’m in awe!  Inducing lactation doesn’t work for every adoptive mom, but this adoptive mom will be attempting it now that I know just what these amazing organs are capable of doing!

I LOVE this video:

Donate here:  gofundme.com/babyforBethany

We Are All Adopted

~ Bethany ~ Leave a comment

My family has always known I’ve wanted to adopt.  Not everyone wants to adopt or is called to adopt.  A couple of years ago, I wanted to see how my sister felt about the idea of me adopting a child because at that time she had a couple of biological children of her own.  (She has a couple more now and we are blessed!)  I used the subject of people who don’t want to adopt to open the discussion.  I told her that several of my friends had told me that they would consider adoption, but that their husbands weren’t sure they could love a child who wasn’t theirs.  I was so frightened that she might agree with that statement.  To my great relief though, my sister looked shocked!  Then she taught me a good lesson…

She exclaimed, “It’s a good thing for them that God didn’t feel that way!”

“What?”  I asked.

“The Bible says that we were adopted by God.  It’s a good thing God didn’t think he couldn’t love an adopted child.”

Indeed it does…

Rom 8:15 & Eph 1:5 say that if we believe in Jesus we are adopted children of God with all the legal rights of natural born children.
Rom 8:15 & Eph 1:5   Image from America Adopts!

I love this quote from Katherine Heigl:

Katherine_Heigl_adoption-quotes

Not everyone is called to adopt and that is ok!  Not everyone desires to adopt and that is ok!  Just like someone wanting to be a dentist or gynecologist is unimaginable to me, for some people adoption is unimaginable.  That’s ok!  Now that I’m looking at the very real possibility of a cross-cultural adoption, I want to learn to purposely celebrate the things that make us all unique as well as the things that we all share just by virtue of being human.  This post isn’t intended to make anyone feel judged.  It’s just that the lesson my sister taught me stuck with me and this is a blog about an adoption journey, so I shared it.

Maybe you don’t have much family… Maybe your marriage is falling apart… Maybe you long for kids, but you are uncomfortable with alternative ways of getting them… Maybe life is going smoothly right now.  No matter what, you have the ability to have God as a real and perfect Father who loves you and is always with you and gives good gifts to His children and it’s all thanks to Jesus.  If He’s your father, then you have a world-wide family in the world-wide church.  We are (or can be) all adopted!

To help me adopt my baby, please go to gofundme.com/babyforBethany and you can read about my Puzzle Piece Fundraiser by clicking here.

4 ways to adopt

~ Bethany ~ Leave a comment

(Disclaimer:  I’m an attorney, but nothing in this blog should be construed as legal advice.  I’m simply sharing what I’m learning on my journey. This is just what I’ve learned about TX.)

According to a 2013 article from Huffington Post, there are 153 million orphans in the world.  Many people are open to adoption and are desperate for a child, so why are there so many orphans?  I think it’s the expense.  I almost gave up on my dream as soon I heard how expensive it would be because I knew that even as an attorney I alone could never afford it.  Luckily, I learned about the puzzle piece fundraiser and the fact that there are grants available to help with part of the cost.  Personally, my goal is to raise 1/3rd with the fundraiser, hopefully win enough grants to cover 1/3rd, and pay 1/3rd myself.  It will still be a struggle, but not so out of reach.

There are less expensive ways to adopt than a traditional agency, but as cost goes down, risk goes up.  Here are 4 ways to adopt:

First, there is the traditional agency.  When birth mom signs her rights to the child over to the agency a few days after the birth, the decision is irrevocable.  This is a comfort for an adoptive parent.  The agency helps get your profile to birth mothers for their consideration.  This is helpful.  The agency insulates the adoptive parent from birth mom’s emotional roller coaster.  This is valuable as the adoptive parent is probably on a roller coaster of their own.  The agency funnels adoptive parents’ money to birth mom by paying her rent, cell phone and sundries.  (Most birth mom’s are on medicaid, so there are no medical expenses to pay.)  The agency makes sure birth mom gets counseling before and after the birth and funnels adoptive parent’s money to pay for counseling.  Absolutely priceless!  An agency adoption will cost a total of $35k-50k depending on if you are doing a domestic or international adoption and which agency you choose.  $20k-25k goes directly to the agency for their services.  Adoptive parents pay all expenses for birth mom, home studies, attorney fees, travel expenses, creating profile books, etc. in addition to the agency’s fee.  I called a few non-profit agencies and they were several thousand dollars more expensive than for-profit agencies.  (???)

Second, there is private or independent adoption where adoptive mom finds birth mom and they just use an attorney.  Adoptive mom can legally only pay medical expenses of birth mom this way.  If birth mom is on Medicaid, then birth mom legally could not get any assistance from the adoptive parent.  Birth mom would also get very little counseling.  Depending on the facts of the case, birth mom could change her mind up to 60 days after the birth.  YIKES!!!  Way too risky – especially without proper counseling before and after the birth!  This method costs $15k or less depending on whether or not there are medical expenses for birth mom, but all in all, this approach doesn’t really benefit birth mom and is a little too risky for this adoptive mom.

Third, foster-to-adopt is almost free, but extremely risky.  This way allows you to spend months in training to get the State to authorize you to foster and/or adopt a child.  The agency advocates for you with CPS to get the right child placed with you after CPS has removed them from their birth homes for abuse or neglect.  Many of these children are healthy, but many have attachment disorders or other emotional or physical ailments due to the abuse and neglect they’ve suffered.  These are children for whom CPS expects to terminate parental rights, but there is no guarantee because the goal of CPS is always reunification.  It could take a year or more for CPS to decide to terminate and actually accomplish it.  You may even have to make the child available for weekly visits with birth mom.  During that time you could have to give the child back if reunification occurs.  If a suitable relative is found who is willing to adopt, you could have to give up the child.  It also invites quite a bit of government involvement in your life.  While it is something I might consider later in life, right now I want a baby that I definitely get to keep.

Finally, there’s a middle ground between traditional agencies and just using a lawyer.  There are agencies that are called “designated agencies.”  Adoptive parent finds a birth mom on their own and then involves the designated agency.  The agency will then make sure birth mom gets all the counseling and financial benefits she needs.  The agency insulates adoptive mom from birth mom’s emotional rollercoaster and acts just as a traditional agency would.  Once birth mom signs the baby over to the agency, it is irrevocable.  One of the great benefits is that the agency fee is reduced by about $8k-12k!  This brings the total cost of a domestic adoption down to about $25k-30k.

I’m willing to do either agency route.  Many agencies offer both services.  To save money on the agency fee, I would need to find a birth mom.  Please spread the word that I am looking for a birth mom who wishes to pursue adoption.  If you know a birth mom who is making the difficult decision to place her child for adoption, please have her contact me at bss0302@yahoo.com

Books, books and more books…

~ Bethany ~ Leave a comment

I grew up in a home where we couldn’t always have candy, but we could almost always have a book for a treat.  So it’s no surprise to people who know me that I immediately bought five books in the week after my decision.  I purchased What To Expect the First Year.  It seems to be an excellent resource and very easy to read.  I purchased the only baby memory book I could find on Amazon for adoptive families.  It’s also wonderful.  Then I bought 3 books to read to baby.

I’m certainly no expert, but in case you are looking for such things, here is this newbie’s impressions…

Beautifully illustrated and written book that answers almost every question a child might have about adoption!
Beautifully illustrated and written book that answers almost every question a child might have about adoption!
Excellent book and shorter than I Wished For You. It covers most of the same topics.
Excellent book and shorter than I Wished For You. It covers most of the same topics.
Creepy illustrations! The story is a bit creepy too with weird people staring into an empty cradle. Returning it immediately.
Creepy illustrations! The story is a bit creepy too with weird people staring into an empty cradle. Returning it immediately.

Again, I’m just a new mommy-to-be, so I’m no expert.  However, with 2 nieces and 2 nephews who I love more than life, I think I have some idea of what books children enjoy and what might creep them out.

Donations for adoption expenses can be made at:  gofundme.com/babyforBethany

I’m getting a newborn?!?!

~ Bethany ~ Leave a comment

After I purchased the little fairy door for the daughter I didn’t have yet and after I emailed the adoption agency on Sept 9, 2015, I went to sleep.  It was almost midnight.

Normally I don't go for silly fantasy things like this, but it's so cute! It gobsmacked me!
Little Fairy Door with Little Fairy Footprints. Normally I don’t go for silly fantasy things like this, but it’s so cute! It gobsmacked me!

At 9:15am on Sept 10, the agency called me.  I was so excited!  I chose a smaller Christian agency that has been in business for 25 years.  The founders have six adopted children and call their family a bag of Skittles because they are from all over the world and of many different ethnicities.  It was the husband who called me that morning.  I told him I couldn’t talk long because I was on my way to Court.  He told me to call him after Court so that we could figure out which program would best fit me.  They have programs around the world and domestically.

I should pause here to tell  you that I’d had my heart set on a toddler from a 3rd world nation for as long as I could remember.  The only thing I cared about was that she be a girl because as much as I love little boys, I do not have a husband.  I know I can teach a girl how to be a woman.  I feel that whenever possible, a little boy needs a man in the home to emulate.  So with the image of a 3rd world toddler in my mind…

I said, “I don’t care where my baby comes from.  I just want her to come home asap!”

Cautiously he asked, “Do you care about ethnicity?”

I said, “No.  I know an adopted child will not look like me.  I don’t care about ethnicity because she will be mine no matter what shade her skin, eyes and hair are.”

He said, “I think you’d be perfect for our domestic cross-cultural program.  There’s a lot less paperwork and a lot less travel.”

I was a bit surprised because I assumed my child would be from a 3rd world nation.

He continued, “We work with birth moms who live in abject poverty and cannot afford to feed another mouth.  We also work with birth families who have already had multiple CPS interventions.”

Now he was speaking my language.

I asked if domestic adoption was more expensive than international.  He said international has become just as expensive as domestic.

I said, “I open to any program.  I’d like a girl.  Also, I want a child 3 years old or under because they are still cuddly.”

He said, “You can choose a girl in any program.  However, you will get a newborn in the domestic program.”

I almost fell down.  A newborn?  But they don’t sleep at night!!!  Additionally, I never thought I’d be eligible to get a newborn as a single woman.  I was silent for a long time.  This was my first adoption-related panic attack.  When I finally spoke it was in stutters that made no sense and he laughed.  I told him I needed time to think and he said he thought I would be excited when the shock wore off.

He was right!  I’ve already found a crib and am reading all about the first year of life.

The next shock and panic came when I saw the sheet that listed all the fees.  That’s why I’m doing a Puzzle Piece fundraiser that I wrote about on 9/20 (click here to read all about it).

gofundme.com/babyforBethany

Puzzle Piece Fundraiser – Inviting you to have a piece in bringing my baby home

~ Bethany ~ 9 Comments

Adoption is expensive. Like stupid expensive. Unfortunately, this reality keeps so many amazing future parents from taking the steps to adopt which is unfortunate with so many children in need.  There is a page in my adoption packet that makes me shiver every time I glance at it! Even as I type this and think about the upcoming payments, I am getting anxious!  This would heavily tax anyone’s resources and I’m certainly not rich.

When I first made the decision to adopt, one of the things that I wrestled over was whether or not I would do any fundraising. In a perfect world, I wouldn’t have to. There are few things more humbling than asking other people for money!  It’s uncomfortable. It’s vulnerable. It kinda sucks!  However, the more I have thought about it and talked to friends, the more I understand that it isn’t about asking people for money, but asking them to be a part of our story. My baby’s story.  The story of how she got to come home.

So I am so excited about this PUZZLE FUNDRAISER! It works like this:

1. I hunted for weeks and finally found a 550 piece puzzle that would be perfect to hang on my baby’s wall. It’s the picture on this post.  (I do not know 550 people, so I need friends and family to share this with their friends and family!)

2. I am “selling” each piece for (originally this said $25, but click on these words to find out why there is no longer a minimum donation required to get a puzzle piece). You can choose to buy 1, 2, 3, or 10! There is no limit!

3. To purchase via my Go Fund Me account go to gofundme.com/babyforBethany.  If you prefer to send a check, please email me at bss0302@yahoo.com for my mailing address.

4. Once you purchase a piece, I will write your name on the back of one of the puzzle pieces and send you a picture.

5. Once every single piece has been “sold”, I (with the help of my mom who is good at puzzles) will put the puzzle together and hang it in a double-sided glass frame for the baby’s room so that we can always look back and be reminded of who had a “piece” of bringing her home!

I can picture sitting down with my daughter, reading the names to her and explaining that these are all of the wonderful people who loved her before they even knew her. These are the people who brought her home. Isn’t that the cutest?!?! I just love it! I will keep my blog (auntieba.com) updated with progress of the puzzle and a list of amazing donors.

So, my goal with this Puzzle Fundraiser is to sell all 550 pieces which will raise 1/3rd of the money needed for this adoption!!!! How amazing would that be?!?! I’d be honored and humbled to have you be a part of this story.  My secondary goal is to sell at least half the puzzle before January 1st.  Can you help me accomplish that?

Want to help me bring my baby home!?  Go to gofundme.com/babyforBethany. If you wish to make an additional donation above the $25 price of a puzzle piece (first of all, that is awesome!  It’s also helpful because Go Fund Me keeps about 8% of all donations), simply put the desired donation amount in the box and proceed to process your payment. The other amazing thing that you could do to help would be to spread this! Share it with your families and friends. Thank you!  I love you!

Here’s a picture of what the puzzle will look like when completed.  I chose Noah’s ark because one thing it teaches is that we all need friends and life is lived best in community.

puzzle

The Conception of a Dream

~ Bethany ~ Leave a comment

I am a never married, very opinionated, Bible-believing attorney.  I am “Auntie Ba” to two nephews and two nieces who I love more than life!  For almost 2 decades I’ve dreamed of adoption.  That dream became stronger when I prosecuted child abuse cases almost a decade ago.  So many children need good homes where they are wanted, safe, and know they are loved.  Still I waited.  I knew it would be best for a baby to be raised by a mommy and daddy.  I knew if I married, my man would have to be willing to adopt.  However, I’m in my late 30s and still haven’t found a partner for life.   I began to consider that over and over the Bible tells us to take care of widows and orphans.  The Bible never says, “Wait until you are married to help others – especially orphans.”  I make a decent income.  I have a modest, but safe home.  But I wondered if I was ready to be selfless enough to be a mother.

On September 9, I couldn’t sleep.  Looking through my Facebook feed I saw this video of Little Fairy Doors.  All of a sudden, for the first time in my life, I had to have this decoration for my daughter.  There was a sudden urgency in my heart to find my child and bring her home.  I began praying (as I had on and off for years) and weeping.  I knew the time was right.  Suddenly my heart was overwhelmed with love for a little person I’d never met.  She might not even be conceived yet, but I could almost see her face in my mind.  She became very real to me and was conceived in my heart on September 9, 2015 at 11pm.  I had no doubt I was finally ready to be selfless for this little one.  I ordered the fairy door and then emailed a Christian adoption agency I’d learned of at a women’s conference six months earlier.  I later remembered that at that conference, I’d felt the Lord ask me if I would trust Him.  The truth is I had stopped trusting Him almost eight years earlier when I prosecuted one of the worst child sex abuse cases I ever saw during my career.  I felt the Lord say to my heart, “We cannot go further, we cannot reach your destiny, unless you choose to trust Me.”  I promised to try.

The day after I ordered the fairy door and emailed the adoption agency, the agency called me…

But that is a story for another post.

Suddenly, I’m trusting God in ways I have not in eight years.  I believe that God has a child chosen just for me.  Please pray for the birth mom.  Pray that she will choose adoption over abortion and pray that she will then choose me to raise her precious child.

P.S. Adoption is expensive.  I know God will provide, but the cost of adoption would heavily tax anyone’s resources.  I’ll be doing a fundraiser, but if you’d like to make a donation to help bring my baby home, please go to my Go Fund Me account:  gofundme.com/babyforBethany